Clarity Defined

Any of you checking in to click that lovely tab at the top, “Training Progress,” will have noticed it has stalled at Week 4 (the week ending on June 14th). We didn’t have a group swim practice on the 16th which was the last day I was in San Diego.

My training has been minimal in the last two weeks. I’ve ridden my bike a couple of times. I’ve gotten in the pool once. “He’s gone.” When I heard those words nearly two weeks ago, time stood still. The last two weeks have been a roller coaster. Hours were spent looking at pictures, scanning pictures, retouching pictures and setting them to music. Cut the music. Arrange the photos. Honor Grandpa. Time was spent with family… siblings, parents, grandparent, cousins, aunt, and uncle. We talked about Grandpa. We talked about life. We relived all the moments we could remember.

Tomorrow, steady and hard training will resume. I’ll push play on the real world. Life will continue.

Tonight though, I’m still at home. Tonight, I’ll continue to store up those memories to carry me through my training… to carry his love for me through my life.

I’ve embedded that video. It’s in two parts because YouTube doesn’t take videos that big. Also, in trying to make it small enough for the internet, the quality… well, the sound is scratchy and quiet now. The pictures are sort of blurry. Maybe you can get an idea though… of the wonderful life my grandpa led.

Laid to Rest

Originally uploaded by strong_enough

Yesterday morning, I gathered with my family at Fort Rosecrans National Cemetery in Point Loma to pay our final respects to Grandpa at his burial service. Grandpa received beautiful military honors and Grandma was presented with a flag.

It was a beautiful service with a lot of Grandpa’s family: cousins, nieces, great nieces and nephews, old friends, grandchildren, children, and his wife.

I still miss my grandpa, but I feel better now that this roller coaster is over. Grandpa taught us all to love and I carry that love with me every day. I will make him proud when September comes… when I complete my triathlon. He will be another pair of wings to make me fly…

Tomorrow morning, we’ll go the funeral parlor. We’ll sit with my grandma as people pay their respects to my grandpa. We’ll go the church and have Mass.

My heart hurts… it misses my grandpa and it desperately seeks comfort. It hurts for my family and their pain–the pain of losing husband, father, grandfather, uncle, great-grandfather. My mom considered my grandpa to be more than her father-in-law. She knew him longer than she knew her own father and her heart seems to be breaking as it did when she buried her father… just days shy of her 12th birthday.

I’ve spent the last week laboring over a dvd slideshow… the perfect pictures, perfect order, perfect songs, perfect everything… it’s as good as it’s going to get. I pray that it will remind my family of the joy Grandpa brought to our lives and all of the good times. I pray that it will remind them that he would want those good times to continue. We told him we’d be alright.

I hope we will be.

I’ve copied the obituary here… since my cousin and I wrote it. It published in the Ventura County Star today and will run through June 24th. The guestbook can be signed here.

While surrounded by family, Bud Leach peacefully went home to be with the Lord on Tuesday, June 17, 2008, after a long battle with heart disease.

Bud was born on April 26, 1932, in San Diego, Calif., to Arnold Edmond Sr. and Dorothy Lucille “Nanny” Leach. He was the younger brother of Barbara. Bud graduated from San Diego High School, Class of 1950. On July 8, 1951, he married the love of his life, Lauretta. They have been happily married for over 56 years. Their greatest accomplishments in life were their three children, Cheri, Russell, and Michael.

Bud served in the Army from 1952 to 1954. He then began his 32-year career with Weber’s Bread Company as a sales driver. In 1973, he moved from San Diego to Santa Paula, where he remained a Ventura County resident for 26 years.

Bud’s greatest joy in life was his family. He took great pride in each accomplishment his family experienced. Never was there a dance recital, baseball, football, or soccer game, graduation, wedding, or family gathering that he did not attend.

Bud thoroughly enjoyed coaching Little League Baseball when his boys were young. His gifts for coaching and counseling were an attribute we all valued. His love was unconditional, and he was truly our No. 1 fan! Our family will have an everlasting void without him here, but we embrace that he is now pain-free.

Besides family, Bud’s next biggest love in life was golf. Playing, watching, or talking golf brought him endless joy. Even in his final days, he enjoyed watching the U.S. Open with family by his side. We know the first thing he did was play 54 holes of golf when he arrived in Heaven!

Bud is preceded in death by his father, Arnold, Sr. (1952); mother, “Nanny” (1997); and sister, Barbara (2001).

Bud is survived by his loving wife, Lauretta; daughter, Cheri (Dave) Wigton; sons, Russell Leach, and Michael (Tracie) Leach; grandchildren, Julie (Joseph) Johnson, Jennifer (Eric) McCalister, Christopher Leach, Jason Leach, Breanne Leach, Kaitlin Leach, Alison (Jim) Miller, Elizabeth Wigton; and six great-grandchildren that he adored!

We would like to thank Dr. Patel and the staff at Community Memorial Hospital for their loving care during this difficult time.

There will be a viewing from 8:30 to 10:30 a.m. Tuesday, June 24, at Skillin Carroll Mortuary in Fillmore. A funeral Mass will follow at 11 a.m. at St. Francis of Assisi at 1048 W. Ventura Street, Fillmore. Interment will take place at Fort Rosecrans National Cemetery in San Diego on Thursday, June 26, 2008.

“God Knows Your Pain”

Come, my child, God knows your pain. Your Grandpa’s gone, but his soul remains. You cannot see him, but his memory God gave to you so don’t despair. Grandpa’s time on earth was through. He completed the task he was born to do. He did it so well that God took him home to walk the streets where angels roam. I know he was special and you miss him so, but when your time comes you’ll get to go. You’ll see your Grandpa and Jesus too, so live this life God gave to you. Your heart will heal and one day you’ll see that death is earth’s door to eternity.

Arrangements are under the directions of Skillin-Carroll Mortuary, 600 Central Ave., Fillmore; 805-524-0744.

About an hour after I posted that last entry, my grandfather earned his own pair of wings.

I prayed that I would make it home to Ventura in time to tell him that I loved him one more time, but I also prayed that he would go in peace. He went in peace and I think that it was best that I was not there for Grandpa’s final hours. I had a fantastic visit with him on Sunday afternoon. He ate his lunch; we talked and watched the U.S. Open. Grandpa loved golf and taught all of us how to play and putt from an early age. I remember going over to their house and Grandpa giving my tips on my putt. For most of the afternoon, my grandpa was Grandpa. He was in good spirits and making jokes about little things. Towards the end of the visit, he became very tired. He was so hot and sweating profusely. It broke my heart to see him that way. As much as I wanted to be beside him… as much as I wish I could have been there, saying the rosary with him and my family on Tuesday morning… my place was in San Diego. My place was going to Mass and praying for my family as they grieved.

Every song reminded me of Grandpa as I drove home. I wondered if I was going to make it in time. I worried that I wouldn’t get to see him again. I cried, but did my best to hold it together. My mom called around 4pm to see where I was and she sounded good. “We’re at the house right now,” she said. It sounded so promising. I got home and everyone seemed okay, but it was an illusion. We chatted while my mom made me dinner. Then I asked… “So, how’s Grandpa doing?” “He’s gone,” she said as her voice cracked and she started to cry. Even as I recount it, my heart is breaking and my throat is full of knots. It was quick. He wasn’t in pain. He knew that it was time and he was ready. My uncle made it in time. Grandpa just wanted to make sure that everyone was accounted for before he left.

I feel like no words can do my grandpa justice. He was such a kind man. Everyone loved him. As my cousin and I worked on the obituary today, we struggled with being concise. How do we sum up Grandpa in such few words? How do we convey all that he meant to us and to those that knew him? Does this sound corny? Because I think that Grandpa will laugh. It’s so true. There was a poem that we fell in love with and we probably don’t have the budget to include it in the obituary. We wondered whether it was selfish of us to want to use it… as it only refers to “Grandpa,” but everyone called him Grandpa. My grandma read it and thought it was great… “I called him Grandpa.” I don’t know how my grandma is doing it. Her wedding anniversary is in just a couple of weeks. They would have been married for 57 years at the beginning of July.

As my “aunt” made dinner for all of us tonight, we prayed that heaven wouldn’t have another angel. We learned that my cousin’s [former] neighbor’s daughter Sam had a stroke. She’s 13 years old and has a bleed in her brain. She’s one of three people in the world suffering from both Kabuki Syndrome and Evans Syndrome. Pray for Sam tonight. Pray that she would start producing enough platelets to stop the bleed and recover. My grandpa’s life wasn’t long enough for his family; we wanted more time with him. It was long enough for him though. He was at peace and ready to go. He felt like he had accomplished all that he needed to do here on earth. Sam’s life isn’t over yet, she’s so young and still has so much more living to do.

I’m being carried by angels’ wings.

The mother of one of my oldest friends sent me the nicest email and an incredibly generous donation a week ago. As it turns out, her mother died from leukemia when she was a child.

Throughout my training and on race day, I will now also be honoring Donna’s mother Roberta Higgins.

If you have a loved one who battled cancer (survivor or not) or is currently battling cancer, let me know. I would love to honor those fights, whether they are a blood cancer or otherwise. I will be racing for my grandpa who has lung cancer… and for his sister, my Auntie Barbara, who died from leukemia a number of years ago.

It’s amazing how scent can take you right back to a specific moment in time. For the first time in… probably seven years… I applied Bengay to my sore aching muscles. I’ve certainly been sore since cheer camp, but not for days on end… and not for days on end when I knew that I just had to keep going and my muscles weren’t going to get any breaks. So today, given that my muscles have been sore since Saturday, I purchased Bengay. I applied it and the smell, which I happen to love, took me straight back to cheer camp. I can see myself sitting in the dorm room at UCSB and applying Bengay like every other girl around me. I can feel the relief. I can remember the smell penetrating the walls and the clothes as you walked by girls in the hallways. Even the drive home in Krystal’s suburban carried traces of the Bengay scent… wow. That was fun.

So, I promised another post soon… sorry it wasn’t sooner!

It has been an incredible week! Let’s dip into the training aspect first…

Last week, I swam 2900 yards! I swam 1450 on both Monday and Wednesday. It was rough and Robbie has us working on lengthening our strokes so that we can be more distance efficient. Good idea, right? Right. It is so hard for me though. I keep counting my strokes, but I can’t seem to get across the pool in under 30 lengths consistently. And he wants us under 25! Egads! There is much work to be done. I’m aiming to get more yards in tonight at the pool: more distance, less time, same energy. That’s the plan. However, I just looked at Coach Robbie’s workout for tonight and it looks like a doozy. Push-ups and swimming with tennis balls and sticks? I’ll keep you posted on how this works out for me.

On the run front, track practice was definitely more intense this week. We did 1000 meters five times with only a quick 200 meter walk break in between sets. It didn’t feel much more difficult during the workout, but boy did I feel it on Wednesday! I was *so* sore and still had a short bike workout at Fiesta Island with Penny and a couple of the girls, PLUS swim! I managed though and felt better on Thursday. Yesterday, our Tour d’Trail was at San Elijo Lagoon in Solana Beach. It was beautiful, but I didn’t anticipate the allergies kicking up and I should have. Trails have plants, bushes, flowers, and all sorts of dust and pollen goodness (but no poison oak! yay!) to irritate my sinuses. Lame. I ended up walking most of it (partly because of the allergies and partly because I was so sore from the day before). It was a brisk near-four miles though.

Cycling kicked my butt this week. Our short four mile ride on Wednesday before swim was nice and not so difficult, but Saturday… Saturday was an adventure. On Saturday morning, the team met at UCSD for a tire changing clinic and bike ride at Torrey Pines. The tire changing clinic was messy at times, but really good. I can successfully remove both front and back tires (and put them back). On Wednesday, Penny taught me how to change my tire because mine was flat… so I sped right through the tire changing on Saturday: remove the tire, loosen the bead, pull out the tube, replace the tube, secure the tire to the rim, air, and put the tire back on the bike. Whoo! That’s a lot to remember! But I did it and it was great. I’m definitely prepared if I get another flat.

The ride… that was NOT so easy. We went down inside Torrey Pines. Extremely steep and curvy, with a plethora of obstacles (ranging from cracks in the sidewalk to dogs on long leashes), this hill is NOT to be taken lightly. I pulsed my breaks the entire way down to keep from building too much speed and my hands were cramping by the end. As for the uphill, I’d gotten a tip from a former TNTer who was a guest in the museum to just chant, “I love hills.” Bill’s advice got me up that hill. I just kept chanting. “I love hills, I love hills, I love hills…” turned to “I can do this, I can do this, I can do this…” and back again. At one point I caught my shoelace in my chain, but managed to not fall over. It was rough, even in my granny gear, I did not know HOW I was ever going to reach the top. But I did! Then, I fell over.

Yes, as I came to a stop at the top of the hill… where my teammates, mentor Brian, and coach waited for me, I just didn’t catch the ground at the right spot and fell over. I have a fun scratch/scab on my knee and a couple of bruises, but that’s okay. So, did I call it a day? No. I did it again. Once more I struggled up Torrey Pines, even running into a sign, for the 1.6 mile incline. It took my about 17 minutes to get up the hill the second time and I called it a day after that and road the mile or so back to UCSD. I took a couple of dance classes that afternoon before a nice long shower and nap at home.

So, yes, this was quite a week for training! Hills and distance! Wow!

~*~*~

On the fundraising front, if you go to my site you’ll see that I’m 65% to my recommitment goal (which is 25% of my total… so $1125 of $4500) that’s due by June 26th. The amazing part is that after all of the checks I’ve received in the last week… I actually hit and surpassed that 25% last Thursday!! THANK YOU to all those who have already donated!! You are AMAZING! (To all those that haven’t? There’s a button in the sidebar whenever you’re ready… I’d really appreciate a donation, any amount will help!) Those donations are currently en route to Paycor and will hopefully show up soon. I still have a LONG way to go, but I’m so excited to hit that first marker. I really want to hit at least 50% by July 7th (which will be exactly two months after I joined TNT). The sooner I hit my fundraising goal the better… I don’t want to have to worry or stress over it when the triathlon gets closer.

This last week has flown by and I realized that I never even updated about the marathon! Goodness!

So, on Sunday, my former roomie Jess (bless her for doing this with me!) and I got up at 4:45am to go volunteer for Team In Training for the San Diego Rock N Roll Marathon. We got to the 13.1 half marathon finishline at 5:30am to start setting up: moving tables, chairs, and FOOD. Do you know that bread is heavy? I didn’t until Sunday. Fill a trash bag with loaves of bread though and WOW… that’s heavy. For those of you familiar with the marathon world, the half marathon is only offered through Team In Training and not through the actual marathon.

As the race began at 6:30am, we started our own race… to cut bananas, oranges, and make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Strong and steady wins the race. It’s just like training. Jim did the peanut butter, I did the jelly, and Marguerite cut them in half… for about an hour and then we had some swaps. I made pb&j sandwiches for at least two hours. It was insane. But it also offered a wonderful opportunity to talk to other TNT participants and alums about the program, their reasons, and their events. It was awesome spending it with Jess too and letting her see what I’ve been up to since the beginning of May.

After hours of sandwich making (and cheering on the speedy elites from our table positions), we cleaned up and went to the road to cheer on the runners. Now, I’ll be honest, I didn’t think it was going to be very exciting. I was excited to be there, to help and cheer, all of it… but I didn’t think it’d be hugely entertaining because, well, it’s just running. BUT… I was wrong. It was really exciting and greatly entertaining. I was amazed at the strength of these runners, sprinting by 13.1, with smiles on their faces. The running Elvises… the crazy costumes… the shirts! “This is my grandpa –>” and grandpa running beside her with a HUGE SMILE! “Baby sister, middle sister, big sister” running alongside each other. What a fantastic idea! And then we had the constant MASS OF PURPLE AND TEAL. TNT was in full force and hearing GO TEAM was absolutely fantastic. Cheering on those that have raised money for such a great cause, it gave me such a rush.

I returned to the tents to help with food distributions and pinning TNT pins onto the RNR medals. As runners checked in, we presented them with their medals and it was beautiful seeing their excitement and joy in completing such a huge goal.

I was overwhelmed by it all. Jess and I went to the post-race concert that evening at Qualcomm. The announcer noted that in the 11 years of Rock N Roll in San Diego, TNT has raised $134 million dollars for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society!!!! Unbelievable and SO incredible!! I’m still so impressed and awe-inspired. Pat Benatar rocked my socks off and I’ll leave you with “Invincible”… the song she dedicated to the marathoners (video to be embedded once it starts cooperating).

Pictures from Sunday’s marathon can be found at my Flickr page and stay tuned for another entry and more pictures in a day or so… I have a lot to say about this week! And think of me on Saturday morning… Torrey Pines hills! Yikes!